So on November 1, All Saints' Day, I woke up with a kink in my back. Went to practice. At coffee, asked Rachel to work on the knot. Went to church, presided at the Eucharist. Decided that numb fingers and an increasingly aching arm warranted a trip to urgent care. They hooked me up to the EKG when I said "my chest hurts a little and my left hand fingers are all numb." Sent me home with a cervical collar, appointment with my doc, and instructions to go to the ER if anything changed. Everything got worse, and my dear friend Pamela took me to the ER. Again a heart attack check, decision that I had a root nerve irritation in my neck (i.e. pinched nerve). And ever since then, until yesterday, I have been on incredibly strong, LaLaLand drugs. I lost two weeks to the worst pain I have ever experienced.
Friday, found my way via Coach Deirdre to Dr. Gerald Keane...who said "let's try treating the problem" and has prescribed a short course of prednisone and some physical therapy. I'll get back to rowing soon enough, with help of teammates, good docs and friends and parishioners. But all of this leaves me with some huge spiritual questions...
What is intense pain to teach us? The one thing that is obvious is humility...one is completely dependent on others and must let go and let others help. There are other lessons here, I know.
What does it mean to live at full speed and suddenly come to a complete stop? Is this a good way to live? It has advantages and disadvantages. But the changes are very jarring.
How does learning to receive comfort and help help us to become better givers? I have some new insights on this.
As my dear friend Rev Carol Luther said in this morning's sermon, the mystic Meister Eckhardt wisely said "if the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough." So today, sitting in the pew and having others lead the congregation in worship, and feeling the love of the parishioners for me, and their care, I said thank you, God. And that seemed just right for today.
1 comment:
So sorry to read about your pinched nerve. Yowch. May you heal quickly.
I learned two years ago in walking the Chemin de Saint Jacques (the French version of the Camino de Santiago, Spain) what pain could do. I had broken two toes, one at the first joint and one higher up, a week before we were to leave on a 435km walk of 16 days. Needless to say, the broken toes led to a wrong gait which led to tendonitis in the opposite knee and then a badly infected blister on the heel of the foot with the busted toes. I learned compassion for those who deal with far worse chronic pain all the time and how to accept my limitations (though I never quit walking and completed the trip). It was an important lesson and a hard one for someone who is active.
As a priest, receiving care from others is perhaps even more difficult since we are supposed to be the caregivers.
Prayers for you as you heal and you can get back to your rowing.
Your blog does inspire me to hit my Concept 2 erg (only a B model from 1992) and do the holiday challenge. (I live in Vermont.) Lee
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